... in a way that makes you want to chew out your own teeth. Like, that itch in the parts of your skin that is only touching other skin, and it burns like hell. And the headache, fuck- the headache when your brain is on ice, and you get the sensation of black in the center of your head, and the blood rush makes your teeth want to fall out, or for you to rip them out yourself.
It's all the same, maybe because it all happens at the same time. And it lasts for hours, or even days, and there's no way to get rid of this itch, except to scratch, and when you're done, it starts all over again.
I had to take a break from writing this, that girl- the one i used to go around with- the one that lived with me in that shithole of a house for three months- paid me a 'surprise visit.' She's a drunken slob- she drinks cheap malt liquor [not because she has to- she's a delta trust fund baby (which makes me wonder even more why she lived in that shithole of a house for three months) she tried to hide her riches under her American-Apparel rush-overnight- delivery catalog] and it pours out through her skin, a despicable odor reserved for bums and Appalachian-raised fathers who beat their children, wives, and dogs after a day of working in a coal mine, returning home to a dinner of fast-food fried chicken.
That smell blends in with her perfume- a scent I used to treasure- on the nights that she went home to her parents for money- I would smell it in my sheets and pillows, or in my old baseball t-shirts that she used to wear- and I would cherish it. It used to give me a sense of home- in that shithole of a house [that we lived in with sixteen other people] for three [fucking] months- it made me feel happy- ecstatic almost, with a warm feeling inside that would displace any feeling of misplacement in my life.
But not tonight- tonight when the perfume permeated the air around us, I felt sick- like a sick, stale yellow. The color of piss on old Bible pages, that sits in the sun for days, gathering pollen and animal excrement- only to ferment even further into an odor that stained your tastebuds- and wouldn't go away until something invaded your senses to drive it away.
Now all I smell is bourbon and cigarettes.
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